Dear Chloe

I came home last night and took off  my favorite necklace and cried. A shining star that you gave me for Christmas a couple of years ago. Every time you would see me wear it you asked "Aunt Karenlyn is that the necklace I gave you?" I hope you knew it was my favorite one. 

I tried to write down my feelings and memories, something meaningful, something comforting for those of us who miss you dearly, but as the days turned into weeks, and now months, the words would not come out. Maybe because when I sit still and think about this being real, you being gone, my mind shuts down, unable to comprehend the why and how?  When the words finally do come out, so do all the memories and the uncontrollable tears.

I hope you knew how much you made me want to be a better person, how much I admired your adventurous spirit and sass while also being kind, loving and thoughtful. Your personality was a once in a lifetime kind and I am so amazed to have known such a beautiful young woman as you.

When you were little, you needed old school Taylor Swift playing every night to fall asleep, I think I know every song on her first album. I love that you and your brothers all love country music. You could also hula-hoop while walking in circles talking the whole time which was pretty impressive!  Sometimes you would ask why I was wearing a sweatshirt in the middle of summer in St. Louis, and later gifted me a matching wearable blanket which was amazingly soft and warm! We both loved being warm and cozy!

When you came and visited the beach, we also went shopping at the mall and Target.  I think I was meeting you guys at the beach and I was so excited I had put the garbage in my car but forgot to actually drop it off at the dumpster and man that smell was the worst after a day in the hot Florida sun, but we had a good laugh over that!!!  Later that night we went on a walk a.k.a. alligator hunting with your mom and Aunt Erica and I unsuccessfully tried to sneak you a Truly and ended up with both. Oops!

I remember Christmas shopping in PJs at Avalon and you bought Molly, Sam, and I hot cocoa.  You were always so thoughtful and sweet, and you were especially awesome at helping me pick out gifts for your family!  Christmas day, I crawled in bed next to you to wake you up when you weren’t feeling good and I made a lame joke about us both loving our Christmas naps (and sleep in general!), trying to cheer you up.

I learned that you had some famous recipes, and so to remember you (as your Aunt that has never cooked),  I have spent the last 2 months cooking from home and trying new recipes, but my favorite is homemade mac and cheese, I think you might approve!

I love and miss you so much my sweet, beautiful niece and just wish I could tell you one more time.  I wish we could have more adventures and make more memories.  I promise to not let the sadness be overwhelming and instead smile when thinking of you.  I will always think of you when I put on my favorite necklace, wear my hair in a French braid, hear Luke Combs on the radio, see the cows at the farmer’s market, among other beautiful memories.

There is a quote: “Grief is just love with nowhere to go.”  The best way I can make you proud and honor you is to be kind and spread that love wherever I go to everyone I meet, just like you would!

💕

Love,

Aunt Karenlyn