7 Months

i don't really know why the 7 month anniversary of your death is hitting me so much harder than the 6 month one did, but as I sit in my new apartment in my new city, I feel that hollowed out part of myself that was forced open on January 3rd more intensely than I have in a while. Perhaps it is being alone in a new place, maybe it is just that these times and dates that are supposedly more mundane than bigger anniversaries like 6 months hurt even more because they remind me that time goes on relentlessly and life continues to happen without you in it.

Chloe, these past few days I have been missing you a lot. Yesterday I went to the Cubs-Cardinals game at Wrigley Field and I found out that one of the Cardinals players has the exact same birthday as you. March 21, 2002. You would have loved to know that so much, and would have felt proud of that. I think what got me the most about finding that out is that he is so young and just starting his Major League baseball career, and I think I feel envious that you should still be so young and should still be figuring out where your life is heading. He got to turn 22 on March 21st this year, and you did not. There is no justice in that.

I am also missing the love and affirmation you gave me. You always made me feel like I was doing something worthwhile, and you quieted the doubts that swirl around in my head. During my time in college, you made me feel smart and capable, and I know you would be doing the same now that I am getting ready to start grad school.

We all miss you so much, and I hope heaven is even better than they say it is.

Love, Andrew